Project Runway - Thank the Gods Fashion is BACK!

I live for Wednesdays. Not only is it traditionally "hump" day, when the work week is over halfway done, but because my mind gets a big dopamine rush and it's like a party in my head because of the TV. And when there is a nice overlap, well all the more for ME! I was content with my weekly fix of America's Next Top Model, but last night, my entertainment gene went into overdrive when the season premiere of Project Runway rolled across my screen. Oh the rapture. I love Heidi Klum - she's beautiful, she's intelligent, and she's married to Seal. Tim Gunn makes me wish I was a hot gay man living in New York City because he is just REEKING of fabulosity. Previous P.R. seasons have given me loads of designers to love - Daniel Franco, whose latest line is just tremendous. Plus he's hot. Santino Rice, who I think is just fun to watch...I like his perspective. And then there's Jeffrey..last year's winner. What can I say..I wanted every single piece of clothing that came down the runway at the final fashion show. Everything. He's too unbelievable for words, and when I hit hit rich I'm hiring him to be my personal stylist. But enough about dwelling in the past - let's hit the streets running with our new designers:

I must say that this season above all others impressed me with the first challenge. Granted they didn't exactly have to make garments out of fruit, or what they had on, but you can still screw things up really well, even with $50,000 of fabrics provided by Mood. Some early standouts (at least in my book):

Chris - He's a big guy with a big vision. The poor thing huffed and puffed his way across Bryant Park to get to the fabric tents, which looked like a war zone, but he managed to get some of the most flattering and beautiful fabrics anyway. His dress was elegant, chic, beautiful color contrast. I like this guy.

Ricky - Okay so he's a lingerie designer. I think he did play it a bit safe with the Baby Doll silhouette, but it was stunning. The fabrics were amazing, and the dress was well put together. I base things on whether or not I would buy it. I'd buy it in every color.

Elisa - Okay so she's a nut job that doesn't know when to say when. But if you look at the dress she designed without looking at the trainwreck that was the train (haha), it was a gorgeous and elegant dress. I loved the silhouette, the color, and the construction. She's just gotta learn that the mermaid look is out.

Christian - Okay I might be the only one that says, "I don't get it", but I don't get it. I hated the skirt, the top was okay, and the colors weren't my first choice for anything I would own. But the little guy has spunk. Plus I think he's going to wow in the future. Something tells me he's a scary contender.

Rami - He won the first challenge, which I knew he was going to do. The guy has an amazing boutique in LA. His dress was a little old and tired in my opinion (I mean come on that Rosette on the shoulder..I was kind of hoping I would never see another one after Angela in Season 3), but he chose a gorgeous color, and a sumptuous fabric.

Kit - She's my rocker gal. I love her. I don't care what she does, I love her. Her dress was funky, and fresh, and a contrast. She designs for the hipsters of the day. I could see that 12 hour dress on a runway at an A List event. I hope she continues to wow.

Kevin - I don't like him. I liked his outfit, but I don't like him. Why do you find a need to define your hetero status within 5 minutes. Frankly, that's a little gay..lol. Nobody cares if you like men or women, they care if you are a good designer. Stop being a homophobe and just make clothes.

Victorya - She's not memorable enough for me. Her dress was a been there, done that. And the arm restraints..totally impractical. Even if Michael Kors is right, which he is..he's always right, and he is a GOD as far as I'm concerned, women will bleed for fashion, but I still want to be able to raise my arm while I'm bleeding.

Jillian - She's got talent, of that I have no doubt. I would have bought the dress she made. It remains to be seen whether she has the personality to make it. I think she does, previews showed her being a bit bitchy. You go girl!

Carmen, Jack, Marion, Sweet P and Steven - all filler. I can't see one of them walking away with the prize.

But wait..what about Simone? Oh yeah Simone. Auf Weidersein. You suck.

Homage to the best new comedy on TV - Please let it live!

/rant on

It is a sad tragic fact of life that they just don't make 'em like they used to. Whether it's that $100 blouse you bought at Macy's that unravels at the first cleaning, to the New Improved Taco Flavored Doritos (what was wrong with the old flavor I ask you!), it just seems like things are a weak impersonation of what I now refer to as the Glory Years. All in the Family, Three's Company, MASH, Soap, I could go on. These are the classic sitcoms of a bygone era, and era where you had to rush in to catch your favorite show because there was no TiVo, and chances are if you were a kid like me, you had to wash up from being outside playing. Imagine that, outside playing...what was I thinking.

I've spent the last 17 years or so watching many sitcoms, because who doesn't like to laugh? I would like someone to explain a couple of things to me-#1-WHAT THE HELL WAS SO FUNNY ABOUT SEINFELD?!?! Honestly people, stop being sheep, don't jump on the Jerry Train, it was NOT a funny show. The best thing going for the show was Michael Richards (pre meltdown) and frankly, I liked him better on Fridays (anyone remember that little gem?) #2-Actually there is no #2, I just needed to get that Seinfeld rant off my chest.

Now separating the wheat from the chaff was pretty easy through the 90s. There was Friends, Cheers, Frasier, all of them good sitcoms, good for some laughs. But let's face it, it's been a while since there was something I could sink my teeth into.

Last year started the teeth sinking with the show How I Met Your Mother. A very funny show with some of the most relatable characters. The cast is stellar, I mean come on Neil Patrick Harris is an amazing actor that can pull off Barney better than if there was a real guy named Barney that acted that way. Look past Doogie Howser (which was a great show if you were a tween when it came out), think Clara's Heart. Neil is beyond marvelous. (Mental note...relay my attempt to set Neil up with a girl at Boogie's party at Les Deux). The entire cast is stand out and the writing is smart and hilarious. So Monday is looking up.

Then, like a golden halo of angelic light and visage...it came. It came this season in the coveted 8:30 spot behind How I Met Your Mother. Yes friends, I am talking about Big Bang Theory. I don't know how a show can get funnier...ever....I mean ever. Everything about it is amazing..the writing is just too funny, and the cast chemistry (HAHA - get it-chemistry - and they are physicists..god Im good) is phenomenal. But face it, let's give credit where credit is due. Jim Parsons is HYSTERICAL. I mean beyond hysterical. A testament to the guys enormous talent is that he embraces Sheldon and takes what is already funny and makes it fall down laughing. All intellectually. He's cute as a button too. Give props to Johnny Galecki for accepting the role of Sheldon's straight man cause Galecki is WAY WAY more talented than anyone even has a clue. His own moments are off the hook in their own right. I'm going to build a shrine to Chuck Lorre because the guy is a genius. Not only do I get a show that makes me laugh so hard I actually rewind the scene to live it again, but then..just when I think the merriment is over...I get one of his awesome vanity cards that makes me laugh my ass off again. (Well most of the time...his Veteran's Day vanity card was simply stated and well put..United We Stand)

Then it's time to catch up on all the shows I've missed and Monday was a good day. No, No I don't stick around for Two and a Half Men...Although I love Charlie Sheen. For a guy that got his big break in heavy dramas, he's actually one of the best comedic actors around. No, I just am sick of those comedies with smart ass fat kids. They aren't cute, they are annoying.

/rant off

ANTM - And how to maintain a positive attitude even though you aren't as hot as these girls

Ahh America's Next Top model. It's like heroin. You don't necessarily want to admit you have a problem, but the idea of not having it in your life is abhorrent. Cycle 9 has been pretty tame in comparison to some of the other seasons. On Reality remix, Ebony even said that there wasn't alot of drama in the house. The key players are:

Bianca: She is definitely the self-proclaimed diva of the house. I hated her on sight. She was bitch to the Nth degree. At least she didn't refer to herself in the 3rd person like that nutjob, Jade. When they had to basically shave her head because of the damage she had done to her head, I was cheering. And then something miraculous happened...she got real. She still has her moments, but they aren't nearly as venomous as they used to be. That, and girl looks FIERCE with that close cut shave job. She got highly beautiful.

Heather: This is an interesting gal. She suffers from Asperger's Syndrome, which can make a person socially awkward, but she seems to b dealing with it well (although tune in next week, apparently she has a meltdown). The thing about Heather is...she's freaking GORGEOUS. She's a stunner who takes direction, delivers photo after photo, and even her awkwardness adds to her edginess. She is high fashion all day. She's my pic to sweep this whole kit-n-caboodle. The judges love her, the girls are too busy being protective of her to stab her in the back. She's got it in hand.

That's my final two. I think all the other girls pale in comparison. Although Lisa had a shining moment in the Enrique Iglesias moment, she just doesn't do it for me. It's interesting though. Most cycles there's about 5-7 girls that I am like, huh? This season, the only girl I thought Tyra was smoking crack when she picked her was Victoria. That lazy eyed, sanctimonious bitch should have never gotten screen time. And when she went after Twiggy...girl must have a screw loose.

It should be fun to watch how this plays out. We'll see if the pattern follows as it has in all other seasons. the girl who is picked most for Cover Girl of the Week ends up winning. IN that case, my girl Heather has it in the bag :)

Toodles!

My Better Late than Never review of: Reservoir Dogs

Okay, I know you must think I am living under a rock to have only just seen this movie, but frankly, it never grabbed me, even with the cast it boasted. I think if I recall correctly, I went the Usual Suspects route. Sorry, I would rather look at the ugliest Baldwin than pretty much any of the motley crew assembled in this movie. That and Michael Madsen makes me vomit in my mouth a little every time I see him. But I do love Quentin Tarantino. He is a sick, twisted soul of the cinema who is pretty much a genius. So last night a friend comes over saying that I haven't lived unless I have seen this brilliant piece of cinematic triumph. Excuse me, I would like 100 minutes of my life back. *Warning* The following information may contain spoilers. If you have NOT seen this movie, go ahead and read them, because it's not worth sitting through the thing-

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So here's what I didn't like:

Michael Madsen - in any capacity this man makes me nuts. Do I know why? Not really. I just know I get the willies every time I have to look at his face. Maybe he was my accountant in a previous life.

The blood - Okay I am a fan of Gorror movies, and I'm all for the bloodbath, but the amount of Karo Syrup utilized in this film was kind of unnecessary and gross. And messy. Bleh.

The Story - I must admit when the film started and all the colors of the rainbow were sitting at the diner, I was encouraged, even with Michael Madsen in the cast. The banter was classic Tarantino, so I was kind of thinking this film might just be all that. And then the story just kind of fell apart. Tarantino does his clips and disjointed storytelling, jumping back and forth on the timeline like no other. He is the Monet of that, the Van Gogh of the jump around. And you still follow the story, or at least go "Hell yeah" when you realize you are watching the "past". Pulp Fiction was notorious for it, and it worked so beautifully. Reiteration - this is NO Pulp Fiction.

Chris Penn's chesthair - Chris Penn was a great guy and a very underrated actor. That being said, the carpet on his chest was so distracting, even more so than that electric blue polyester sweatsuit. These guys were not Wiseguys, or the Mafia, just a bunch of crooks. They made Chris look like the Downy Don.

Tim Roth's awful american accent - Just let the guy be English, okay? His trying so hard to be an American cop was distracting. Oh and totally unbelievable.

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So here's what I liked:

Chris Penn's performance - He did a great job with a limited amount of material.

Steve Buscemi - It's Steve Buscemi for God's Sake. Nuff Said.

Steven Wright - What a pleasant surprise to have the voice of Steven Wright as the deejay. He makes me laugh just hearing the voice, I don't even have to hear the punchline.

The music - 70's music in all it's cheesy glory. Some good choices in there, including Stealer's Wheels and Blue Suede.

The contant Pulp Fiction references - If you don't like the movie, here's something to distract you from what's happening on the screen- Check out the Pulp Fiction references. From Michael Madsen portraying Vic Vega (must be Vincent's brother), to some guy named Marcellus who is going to move the diamonds, the little references were very cool. And the best one - Tim Roth in the diner. Play the two movies together in sync, and you will notice he almost entirely mimicked his performance as Pumpkin in Pulp Fiction. That was cool. Now I know that RD came out before PF, so the references should be RD references in PF. But I saw PF first, and I wouldn't have given a tin shit about RD references in PF if I had seen it first, so I am living in my own Tarantino-esque timeline...deal with it.

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So there you have it - my better late than never review of Reservoir Dogs. I am sure there are probably people out there who haven't seen it, there are 6 billion people in the world, and if this review can save just one, then it's all worth it.

The Search for America’s Next Equestrian Star: Dressage OR How to cure your insomnia in 6 easy episodes

First let me say that I have been a competitive Equestrienne for 30 years. Not on an Olympic level, but I did my fair share of competing, and have had a love for all things Equestrian since I was in Kindergarten. How excited was I to know that there was going to be a reality TV show all about horses, and Equestrian events, hosted by the ever so flamboyant Robert Dover, who by the way is one of my heros in the horse world. What a great way to bring the art of competitive equestrian eventing to the general public. Maybe it would even be a stepping stone to showing Olympic Equestrian Events in a different time slot than 3:00 am!

Or maybe it would be as effective as a glass of warm milk when you're having trouble falling asleep.

Having been trained for many years, I understand what's going on in the ring. I've lived through numerous Dressage competitions and drills. Does it make a difference? Nope. This is one of the WORST shows ever to see the light of day. And I say that as a lover of the sport. Dressage is an incredible discipline, lovely to watch, and when you understand the intricacies, lovely to appreciate. This show makes dressage look like ham handed horseplay, and EXCUSE ME, could you at least show more of Robert Dover??? All we get is a little bit of him in the ring, unless he's out of town training someone else, and his over the top Voice Overs. Something is definitely lost in the translation.

Sorry Robert, you really need a good half-halt to bring this show back from the brink.

Christina's Pregnant? I don't believe it!

So Christina Aguilera has finally confirmed that she is pregnant - milking the speculation stories (no pun intended) for all they were worth. I guess she decided she might as well come clean instead of have to read rampant rumors that if she isn't pregnant she's chowing down on 3 or 4 boxes of Ho-Hos a day. Word to the wise, if you are trying to hide your pregnancy, try not wearing form fitting pantsuits in front of thousands of people. Duh!

The 6th Element!!!

In all her perfect splendor (I wish I could hate her but she's so sweet), the savior of Earth in the future (typecasting?! Ya think?!) Milla Jovovich has propogated her gene pool. Thank God-we were running out of perfect specimens of female anatomy to make us normal size 7s feel like Galaxina.

Vegas line is 3-1 that she has that perfectly toned ab back in 86 hours. Bitch...

Thank God for Reality TV!

Okay so the strike is on! The Writer's Guild has decreed that until their demands are met, we will be forced to endure reruns of our favorite sitcoms and dramas. What? No Ugly Betty? Someone hand me a razorblade!

Relax, take a deep breath, and say a prayer to the God of all things Reality, Mark Burnett. Thanks to his early vision (anyone remember Eco-Challenge?) reality tv has invaded our collective psyche, and turned the country into the voyeurs we all know we are. Fortunately because it's unscripted, the show will go on! So if you are jonesing for your favorite shows, and totally over reruns because you already bought the boxed set, may I suggest these reality tv alternatives:

If you are addicted to:

Gray's Anatomy, ER, House

I suggest:

Trauma: Life in the ER
you'll never look at McSteamy the
same way again after watching
emergency colonectomys

If you're addicted to:

Ugly Betty

I suggest:

America's Next Top Model
No brainer here, just alot less comedy
but all the same pseudo fashion

If you're addicted to:

How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, pretty much
any trendy sitcom about the woes of being hip and pretty in
the 21st century

I suggest:

The Hills
No it's not funny, except the train
wreck that is Spencer and Heidi

If you're addicted to:

CSI, JAG, Without a Trace, Law and Order

I suggest:

Anything on Court TV
And I do mean anything - the detective and
scientists aren't as hot as Marg Helgenberger
or Jesse L. Martin, but they can solve the
case in an hour long show too.


Works for me!

Ciao for now!